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Have you ever fallen so out of love with your passion that you started to loath it? Then, join the club.

It all started 10 years ago with my passion, Fashion. I found my way back to loving it, but it was a long road.

Redley Exantus collection no.1 (2007) Paris - Photos: Ulysse Frechelin

Fashion has consistently been a source of joy for me. As a teenager I never missed an episode of shows like Behind the Velvet Ropes and Fashion File (if you know you know). I obsessed over designers and their fashion shows. Diligently memorizing the names of all the models who strode the runway. Wondering what life was like on Rue Montaigne in Paris.

Understanding early on the influence of style and what a change in appearance could evoke in others. In elementary school my classmates and I would hold fashion-offs for “Dress Down Friday” and I usually won (we wore uniforms the rest of the week). Knowing that I was on to something, I decided to take fashion and style seriously.

So, I experimented with my own style.

I was conscious that changing the slouch on a jacket or wearing a particular shade of cobalt could change a mood. To me that was powerful. Fashion had captivated me, and I knew it was my calling. Although my mother was having none of it, I secretly put all my efforts into getting there. I enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology. Landed a job in fashion and eventually launched my own fashion label.

Until the day came when I decided to stop.

Redley Exantus collection no5 (2011) Geneva - Photos: Jess Hoffman

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Finding my voice again

This website has been online since the days of my fashion business. Having put in countless hours on building my namesake brand, the task of letting it go was daunting. The thought of loathing my passion terrified me. With my work “archived” and this blog untouched I went into hibernation.

I had to figure out who I was and what I wanted to say. I had to find my voice without my beloved fashion. Asking myself if there would be more to my story.

The deception of not “making it” along with the fast pace of fashion made me want off the hamster wheel. Disheartened, I didn’t want to open one fashion magazine, look at any fashion shows or talk about clothes with my fashion peeps.

On Hiatus

During my time away from my passion, the reality was that I could not imagine designing the way that I did in the past.

For one, I designed through a Caucasian lens. My clients and most of my models were white European women.  Although I put out alluring pieces, there was no diversity around my work.  I was hard pressed to find designers that look like me and that I related to.

Vanessa Friedman of The New York Times wrote a piece about this. In the article “Fashion’s Racial Divide”, one fashion advisor stated this about fashion schools,

“Sometimes I wonder: Are we training people to be Caucasian designers?” … “On the other hand, there is an international fashion business with an international norm, and the bad news is it is westernized and largely Caucasian.”

The lack of diversity in the fashion blogs and magazines I exposed myself to fed into this reality.

I also would never waste as much resources as I did. Although I produced locally most of my designs were cut on the bias which requires more fabric leaving more waste.

The fashion industry is considered by the UN Conference on Trade and Development, to be the second most polluting industry in the world, just after the oil industry.

I was always marred by the idea that as a designer, I too was contributing to the negative impact on the environment. I had a choice to do things differently, but I didn’t. I did not posses the power of refusal.

Seeing the ray of light

When 2012 rolled around I went corporate, taking on a job as an assistant in a completely different industry. Within a few years I join the corporate sustainability team and played a part in the company’s sustainability journey.

Instantly I found a new passion.

What I was learning was fascinating; How to build a sustainability strategy, draft a human rights policy and how to empower employees to do the right thing. I learned about the complexities of a supply chain and how to prevent child labor within it.

Grasping that there was a huge learning curve and confusion about what Sustainabilty actually means, resulted in 2 lessons. One, repairing the damage that has been done can only happen collectively doing what we can. Two, we must not be so hard on ourselves, it’s ok to start now.

The world was transforming. Notably the rise of social media and more recently the issues of social justice and sustainability.

I noticed that consumers were driving the increased focus on sustainability and beginning to question the general life cycle of their garments. Buzz words like circular economy bubble to the surface and the outrage over Rana Plaza awakened a sleeping beast. It is estimated that only 2% of the world’s manufacturing workers earn a living wage (Source: @thesustainablefashionforum).

I started attending fashion conferences around sustainability and could see an up take by brands on the idea of sustainability, acknowledging that action must be taken. For example, the forming of the Fashion Pact, a global coalition of companies in the fashion and textile industry committed to tackling the industry’s environmental impact. I found this undeniably encouraging to see.

It was there all along

When the desire grew to marry sustainability with my fashion experience, I felt like I finally had something to say. I slowly began sharing my sustainability findings in-between my style posts on my social media. I was surprised at how engaging everyone was with my content. There was a hunger to discover more so I posted more.

Allowing myself time to discover another passion brought me right back to my first. It was not how I imagined it would be. It was far greater. I had found a purpose.

I could not have imagined this 10 years ago. Accepting that I did not have the answer inadvertently led me to the answer. Letting go, time and maturation was all I needed.

Have you ever hated your passion at one point in your life and felt lost? If so, tell us how you overcame that. Share in the comments!

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