WHY I STOPPED DRINKING: PART 3 (THE SPIRITUAL)
3 MIN READ
We finally made it to part three of this series on Why I Stopped Drinking. Let's bring it back for a second. In part one, I wrote about what changed physically. Part two came later, once I had enough distance to understand how sobriety affected my emotions, my relationships and my sense of self. This final part couldn't have been written until now.
Image: Inga Seliverstova
It needed time. Almost six years, in fact.
Each phase of sobriety brought something different. In this phase, I found myself exploring the non-religious spiritual side of things. What does that look like? Internally things quieted down which threw me for a loop.
With alcohol out of the picture, feelings I had spent years pushing aside slowly became harder to ignore. The urge to numb or rush to fill space started to fade.
At some point, sobriety became more about what I was able to stay present for. That's where the spiritual plane took over.
It showed up as a growing awareness of my thoughts, myself and my relationship to something larger than the day-to-day hum drum of life. More than anything, I became more available to me.
And once the autopilot switched off, listening to my needs became easier. Rest. Solitude. Connection. Thoughts felt less scattered and I became less reactionary.
When I was younger, I remember being so inquisitive about life and the world around me. Asking questions about purpose, meaning and how I would move through this crazy world.
Sobriety gave those questions space again. And this time, I was ready to start answering. With hindsight, I don't think those questions disappeared because I stopped caring. Life just got heavier and, like many people, I found something that softened the blows.
As I mentioned in part one, I started drinking young, before I really knew who I was or what I needed. Back then, alcohol gave me confidence, or so I thought. It made things feel lighter, less anxious and more comfortable.
Instead of sitting with uncertainty, I learned how to smooth it over with a glass of champaign. It became part of how I navigated, how I coped and how I connected.
There was always another party. Another dinner. Another social ladder to climb. Once that cycle disappeared, that space I was talking about appeared.
It shows up in my mornings before the day starts, without the hangovers. In the silence I once used to busy myself away from. In paying attention to how my body reacts to the people and my environment.
My meditation practice changed too. It became less about trying to achieve something and more about paying closer attention. Noticing the natural world around me on my walks. The trees, the bugs.
Some days nothing happens and other days something opens up. Either way, I'm here for it. What matters most is that I'm no longer telling myself I'll deal with things later, when life slows down or somehow becomes easier.
Being sober has made me available to my own consciousness. And that feels like the point. So why did I stop drinking?
I simply wanted to return home to myself.
How far have you come on your sobriety journey?
Join the conversation, tell us about your experience in the comments!
You might also like this related article: WHY I STOPPED DRINKING: PART 2 (THE EMOTIONAL) and PART 1 (THE PHYSICAL)
